A Lady was on a business trip. Since she was so tense from
all the meetings, she decided she would go to the roof of the
hotel she was staying in and sunbathe to help her relax. She
went to the top of the hotel, stripped down, and laid face
down on the roof. After about an hour of sunbathing, she
was interrupted by the manager of the hotel. He said, "Excuse
me, miss, but do you mind sunbathing somewhere else?"
"Why?", asked the lady. " I'm on top of the hotel...nobody can
see me!" " True", the man replied, " But you are lying on the
glass sunroof above the dining room.”

From a Southwest Airlines employee...."Welcome aboard
Southwest Flight XXX, to YYY. To operate your seatbelt,
insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It
works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know
how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in
public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of
cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling.
Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face.
If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your
mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with
two small children, decide now which one you love more."

An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a
day of sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling,
scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only
did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter,
"What is that you just served?"The waiter replied, " Ah senor, you
have excellent taste! Those are bulls testicles from the bull fight
this morning. A delicacy!"The American, though momentarily
daunted, said, "What the hell, I'm on vacation! Bring me an order!
"The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving
per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you
come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save
you this delicacy!"The next morning, the American returned, placed
his order, and then that evening he was served the one and only
special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and inspecting the
contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These
are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw
you serve yesterday!"The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied,
"Si senor. Sometimes the bull wins."